An Unexpected Journey

     It's no secret. I love The Lord of the Rings trilogy film. Who doesn't? But The Hobbit - even better, in my opinion. I love Bilbo Baggins' story. Here's a guy who represents the average human being: living a quiet, comfortable, and somewhat uneventful life. But then Gandalf (much like the character of God) comes along. "I'm looking for someone to share in an adventure..." he says. He invites Bilbo on an incredible journey. Bilbo's life is suddenly bombarded with chaos, discomfort, but a little sense of mystery - and he gets a little curious. 
     Gandalf and the dwarves offer him the opportunity to join them on their quest. Bilbo counts the cost of such an endeavor and Gandalf tells him, "you'll have a tale or two to tell when you come back." 
     To which Bilbo responds, "can you promise that I will come back?"
     "No," Gandalf replies, "and if you do, you will not be the same." 
     Bilbo is hesitant, much like we are when God calls us to an uncomfortable journey. He actually declines the offer at first, but imagine what a boring story the Hobbit would be had he stayed at home! The story and the excitement of life begin when we step outside our door. 

Bilbo leaving his home in the Shire: "No time to talk. I'm going on an adventure!"

What an amazing opportunity God gives us to be involved in His ADVENTURE! Don't miss out! Stop just wondering what's on the other side...and GET OUT THERE! 

"Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together! To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance."

     Christmas was fun with my host parents from when I was here a few years ago. Such a blessing to get to spend the day and night with them! And I got to Skype my family at 2am on Christmas morning. YAY! And tomorrow morning I'm travelling to Poland for a week to visit my mom's college roommate and possibly learn more about Eastern European culture and human trafficking. Kind of a last minute plan, but when God invites us for an adventure, don't say "no!" :) 

     Merry Christmas and Feliz Navidad and Happy New Year to you and yours. May 2013 be a year of blessing and expected journeys! 

Taking the Backseat AKA the "be still and know" part

     FIRST CHRISTMAS SNOW! What a wonderful day-after-my-birthday present! So beautiful to wake up to a world in white and I can't wait until it snows again! Really puts you in the Christmas spirit! 
     Last week we had a Christmas dinner with all the leaders from Firecrackers (4-8 year olds). It was good to spend time and get to know them outside of youth groups. 

Firecrackers Leaders

      Last week I also hosted a girls Christmas craft and movie (Elf) night for the middle and high school-aged girls. It was fun to just hang out with them, make puppy chow and apple cider, and watch them get to know each other outside of their normal friend groups. A lady who helps with Firecrackers, Jane, took me to buy supplies for crafts and stayed for the event to help the girls with their crafts. So thankful and blessed to have her! And she made a Christmas wreath for my house! We had about 12 girls come to the event. 

Jane's Christmas Wreath

      Last Thursday I went to my first primary (elementary) school assembly. We have been asked by the school to come in for 20 minutes twice a month to talk about Bible stories, what an opportunity! We talked about creation and used funny props to tell the story of what God made on each day. The kids loved it and got really involved, listening and answering questions about the story. You gotta love 100 little kids saying "Good afternoon, Rachel" in unison, and in English accents. So precious! After we told our story and prayed for the children (imagine, praying in a public school!) we stayed and listened to them sing "Silent Night" in English, French, and German, which they've been learning for Christmas this year. It really struck me as they sang the words to a very "Christian" song that they are very open to the truth and surrounded by the truth about Christmas, yet they just don't get it. To them it's equal to the story of Santa Claus or any other fairy tale. But I am thankful that they love the idea of having us come in to share with their students, so I'll trust that God will allow the truth to prevail and continue to water the seeds we plant!

Girls at Christmas Craft/Movie Night

     And on that note of planting seeds: the most exciting but also most difficult part of the last few weeks. Monday night we discussed the Christian film To Save a Life with the middle school-aged students. We've watched the film with them over the past 2 weeks and some walked away in tears last week because they saw it as depressing and hopeless. I've shown this film to literally hundreds of high school students in America but I've never seen this response. It's meant to be a challenging but hopeful movie! So this past week I've been trying to think of a way to convince them of the hope that can be found in Jesus because we don't have to live life on our own. I don't want them to just watch a character's story of pain and sorry, I want them to see it as a choice they can make in their own lives! 
     So Monday we broke into boy/girl groups to discuss their thoughts on the film. Even thought kids felt depressed about film, they really knew it. They knew all the details of the story which is sooo encouraging to know, and I pray that they'll remember it for a while so that God can bring things to their minds as they get older. This is so promising and I'm excited to see how God continues to grow seeds that were planted during the screening of the film. Towards the end of our discussion I was able to pray that the girls will begin to sense God's working and presence in their lives, even though they don't believe He exists - YET! I said that at some point they'll all have to answer the question "Is there more to life?" And I believe with all my heart that the only answer to that question is found in Jesus Christ. As God has clearly taught me, I can trust Him to water seeds! After our discussion, I asked if anyone would like a copy of the follow-up mp3 devotional used by the characters in the film. One of the girls in Lightning Bolts (who has only been coming for 3 weeks), a girl who is junior leader in the group (high school) and leader (a mom) all wanted copies! So excited to see what happens when I step back and let Him work!

     Another cool God moment: There's a high school-aged girl who's been pretty actively attending our Bible study. Half of the time I honestly don't think she gets a word I say. To her, everything in the Bible becomes about loving each other and just being nice. No matter how many times or different ways I explain the Gospel, she doesn't get it. So when we gave her the book Crazy Love I didn't know what to expect. However, she's been reading it like crazy...already to chapter 5 when the rest of us are on chapter 3. Monday she came to help out at youth groups and told me she had a question about the book. I assumed I would have to explain to her something pretty basic, assuming most of the ideas in the book would go over her head. I underestimated God, yet again. She asked about chapter 4 saying, "what does lukewarm mean?" So I explained it in literal terms and tried to simply share how God doesn't want us to be lukewarm. As expected, she probably listened to about half of my explanation, but then she asked "yeah, but what does it mean to be a lukewarm Christian?" I was humbled. God had patiently spoken to her through the reading and found the right time for her to "get it." She had finally connected literal life to a relationship with God. And me and my impatient and annoyed explanations didn't need to be a part of it. God just showing me who's boss. Then God threw another curve ball when she asked "well how do you avoid being a lukewarm Christian? What do you have to do?" 
     So, armed with this new excitement and the unexpected blessing of getting to see the fruit of my labor (er-God's labor) I'm going to be working with her a lot more in the coming months. I'm taking her to pick out a good teen study Bible this week and helping her learn how to hear from God on her own. I've learned to take a backseat, to stay out of what God's trying to do, and sit back and watch!

James Arthur

     P.S. Want a new Christmas movie to watch this year? Watch the film, Nativity. It's the English equivalent to The Christmas Story, Elf, or It's a Wonderful Life, whichever Christmas style your family is in to. I saw the sequel in cinemas for my birthday and it is so cute with lots of precious little children. And it gives a glimpse into the culture of England, Jesus is well-known, but just a story.

     Also, James Arthur won the British X-Factor this year, and he's from Saltburn/Middlesbrough, right where I live! So proud!

Give Thanks.

Thanksgiving was tough without family and close friends. I spent the day with an American, Sofia, who lives here and who I met at the church I worked for in 2010. We also had some of the other American gap year workers come over for dinner. I cooked my first turkey and helped cook the many different food options. But I struggled with truly being thankful. My family and extended family are very close so it was really hard being away from them for Thanksgiving and Black Friday (my favorite Thanksgiving family tradition). 

Thanksgiving (Sofia in green on the couch, Beth in grey)

      But as I went to bed Thursday night, God reminded me of how blessed I am to even have people to miss. I'm blessed to have a huge family to miss, traditions to miss, food to miss. I'm so blessed. And as Christmas approaches and things may get more difficult (because "I'll be Home for Christmas" is now the dumbest song ever) I will need God to remind me of this. So a big shout out to you, God, thanks for blessing me so richly! I came across this verse the other day: "But be sure to fear the Lord and faithfully serve him. Think of all the wonderful things he has done for you." -1 Samuel 12:24. God blessed me with a wonderful godly heritage, and now He's called me to risk and to sacrifice. This year I feel God has sent me to serve him in England, and the biggest sacrifice is being away from friends and family - especially during the holidays. 

     Also, there's a girl named Beth in the photo above. She was part of the youth group at the church I worked at in Eston in 2010 and now she's a recently-joined gap year worker with us! So cool to see how God works when we don't even know it! Very encouraging to remember that we are only planting seeds; we can never be sure how God will grow them in the future! 

Me with a couple of Lightning Bolts and junior leaders

Another cool story on that note: last Monday we were struggling to come up with an idea for Lightning Bolts that night. So we decided to pray for wisdom...duh. I feel like those of us in ministry can spend so much time planning and preparing that we forget to come before God, asking for discernment and guidance in teaching his people. More than often, we treat prayer as a "good luck charm," granting us blessing over the plans we've already made. After we prayed, we sat in silence for a minute and God revealed to both Ste (other youth worker) and I, the parable of the Sower. Exited about this revelation, we planned a short creative set up based on the parable, and prayer over the night. I'll admit I was expecting a huge reaction, after all, God had ordained it. However, nothing happened. It was a pretty typical, possibly even more chaotic night than usual. But I know that God was there that night, in the middle of the disrespectful kids who wanted nothing to do with the story. And the irony, that the whole parable was about planting seeds, a reminder that God is the gardener, and we may never know the impact we have this side of heaven. I feel confident that the night was a success; God was the center!

We've started reading Francis Chan's Crazy Love with the junior leaders and EQ (high school) kids. I'm super excited to see where this leads; so far they are enjoying it and learning a lot about what real religion and Christianity calls us to do - love like crazy! 
We also decorated the tree for the church on Friday with EQ. So much fun listening to Christmas music, drinking apple cider, and just hanging out! So ready for the Christmas season! On the 7th of December I'm hosting a girls Christmas craft party and watching Elf and all the girls are so excited for it!

 
     Psalm 46:10 says to "be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted in all the nations, I will be exalted in all the earth." I've always heard the beginning of this verse (the "be still and know" part). But rarely have I focused on God's promise that He will be exalted among all people throughout all of history. The human nature in me often says that God needs me. And that every now and then I need to "be still" from my busy ministry-lifestyle and remember and "know that He's God." Once I remember this truth, then I can go back and continue serving Him because, of course, He desperately needs me. However, if I focus on the 2nd part of the verse, I'll see it from an entirely different angle. It makes it all about Him, "every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that He is Lord" (Philippians 2). This will happen, so we can be confident that He's in charge. We can be still and know that He's not dependent on us to make His name great throughout the world. But He does want to include us; He wants us to be a part. Lately God's been teaching me this and it's rocking my world. And will probably become a tattoo sometime while I'm here.   :) 

Decorating the Christmas Tree with EQ (high school)

P.S. MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 5 DAYS! 23, woohoo! 

Community

     And I'm actually NOT talking about the TV show. Surprise! Over the last few weeks I've realized how much the church here and the town as a whole lacks community. There's no "hey come on over for dinner," or "let's go out for coffee," or "wanna go see Twilight at the cinema?" Ok, I would have definitely turned down that last offer anyway. Most people seem content with shallow relationships so they never have to let their guard down and really get to know someone.
     But of course, I'm not used to this. I'm used to the Christian bubble of UMHB, home of hospitality and Jesus-ness. So after feeling depressed and lonely without knowing why, it suddenly dawned on me: There isn't anyone I know here who is my age. And I haven't really spent any time with any of the adults in the church, outside of church. My week consisted of preparing for youth groups, going to youth groups, hanging out with kids, and getting sleep to do it all again the next day. So I was lonely. And even before it really clicked that I was lonely, God brought some amazing people into my life. 

Amsterdam, Holland

     Half-term was wonderful. It was a much-needed break from the regular routine and I got to spend some time in Amsterdam with a friend who's also in the area doing a gap year from Texas/UMHB. It was a wonderful experience, but definitely not a city I'd ever want to visit again. Asthmatics don't do well in places where street-smoking marijuana is legal. 
     On the last Sunday of half term, I had the opportunity to spend the day in Eston, where I was located during my mission trip here 2 years ago. What a blessing! I was reunited with my English mum and dad who hosted me in 2010, and I got to see so many friends who are very passionate about reaching their city. At church we sang songs that I actually know, we prayed as a congregation for our city, the government, the world, and individual's prayer requests and praises. What a blessing to visit a very ALIVE church! I also got a few mobile numbers and people telling me to call them when I'm available to go out for coffee or a meal. I never wanted to leave. But as I returned to Nunthorpe I felt replenished, like God had given me that day to fill me up so that I could pour out everything again over the next few weeks. Like the song "Desert Song" says: "I know I'm filled to be emptied again, the seed I received I will sow!" I feel so blessed to know I have a resource of fuel when I need it. 
     God also gave me a girls craft day. Two women from the church invited me to join them for a sewing day. I made a purse/bag from scratch; so proud! It was wonderful to get away for a few hours and just build relationships these ladies. I felt like such a grown up! 

     And another blessing in Community: Saturday we had teenagers over at the house from 9am to 9pm. While I was unbelievably exhausted by the end, it was soooo much fun to just have a chill day with the kids outside of church youth groups. I laughed more that day than I think I have since I arrived! We played the Wii, Pictionary, board games (even though I usually hate board games, I had so much fun), and we watched a documentary film called 58: about global extreme poverty. We've begun to talk more and more about social justice in our groups and are seeing great responses from the kids! I also made them puppy chow with American peanut butter and they absolutely loved it! The chocolate/peanut butter combination doesn't really exist here, as peanut butter doesn't contain sugar like ours does in the USA. It was brilliant just to laugh and have fun with the kids; I feel so much closer to the group now.

Playing games at our house for the 9-9 group on Saturday

     So now I feel renewed and replenished. I'm ready to pour out again, knowing that God is on my side. He's protecting me from burn-out, ready to help when I call on Him. Last Wednesday, at a ministry meeting with the elders and leaders in the church, I admitted that I don't feel like there's any  sense of community or family-ness in our church. We shouldn't feel like we have to live this life on our own. As a faith family, we should be involved in each other's lives - giving and living with the poor, interceding for the sick, and sharing in the struggles and triumphs of all. 

The road by St. Mary's Church

The family of God should be so attractive that others want in. So God's been convicting me that I can be a part of building community in this church, even though I'm young and American. At the meeting I also suggested the idea of starting a weekly prayer group. There aren't any weekly Bible studies or prayer groups at the moment, so I feel like God is calling me to change that. An older lady at the meeting loved the idea; she's been trying to start a prayer group for years. So I'm excited to see what God wants to do in this group, and what He will do when we pray! 

97%

     That's the statistic. 97% of people in Great Britain don't attend a church and don't have a relationship with God. This is the country from which we get our cultural and religious heritage. This number breaks me. And I wonder, is the United States on a very slippery slope to the same place? Maybe the reasons for emptying churches will be different. Sure, we're not suffering due to lack of relevance in our quickly moving culture. But so often we build our churches around entertainment, what we can offer our congregation. Like the phrase goes, "what you win them with, you win them to." America, please be careful to pour truth into the lives of our youth. I know, it's harder and scarier to be honest and real with students; they usually pretend they hate it at first. But I'm learning not to be discouraged by that; you'd be surprised that after much digging, kids actually want to go deeper and ask the tough questions. I'm reading an amazing book right now called Red Moon Rising, by Pete Greig, about the global church (mainly Britain) and how prayer has significant impact on the younger generation. Pete asks, "will Jesus Christ be famous and favored in the coming age, or will He be a peripheral choice on the menu of social preference? You can call the culture 'progressive,' 'emerging,' or postmodern." The challenge is the same: To reinvent the Church without changing the message, to reach this generation for the sake of the age to come." England preferred to keep their message and lose the relevancy, and therefore eventually lost the message itself. Please America, be aware of placing too much priority on relevancy and consequently losing the message of Christ.

St. Mary's Church Entrance

     This Friday at EQ (high school) we played the Freedom Films from Passion 2012, which deals with human trafficking, an issue that's been on my heart and mind a lot recently. It was incredibly moving to watch the kids as they watched the video; most had never heard the unbelievable statistics - there are 27 million slaves around the world today, more than entire African slave trade. They were pretty stunned to hear it and watch the horrific stories from real victims. I can see their hearts softening, maybe not for the Gospel quite yet, but for the world...and that is what breaks God's heart. It's interesting to me: most of the time in America we push the Gospel first and then add things like social justice as an action after they "pray the prayer." And I would hate to give these students a drive for "world peace" without being firmly rooted in Christ's heart for the poor and oppressed. But if we can get these kids to burn with passion for what God cares about, maybe they'll begin to see God in a whole new, non-religious, justice-seeking light. And maybe they'll want a relationship with that God, not tainted by their previous misconceptions about Him. In my opinion this is the type of people we need to re-ignite a fire in England - a people broken for God's heart.

     Friday the 25th begins half-term, the kids get a week off from school and consequently I get a week off from youth groups. So for Halloween I'll be going to Amsterdam for the day. So excited about seeing a lot of historic places and possibly visiting a human trafficking organization, Not For Sale, in the Red Light District. Friday was also the first day of SNOW! It wasn't much, but enough to be exciting! Can't wait for more, it'll be a cold winter.

     Sunday was the vicar's last day; he is retiring and moving his family to the next village over. He gave his last sermon, trying to sum up his last 2 years as vicar of St Mary's. I appreciated his honesty, as he told us that he still doesn't understand why God brought him and his family to Nunthorpe. The last 2 years have been tough for him; he's tried to reignite the church's passion for Christ and their community to a very set-in-their-ways congregation. I completely relate to this; often God calls us somewhere to do something, for a reason we will never understand. But that's ok. It's tough, but God wants to pull us out of comfort, and we have the opportunity to follow him even if we will never see the fruit of our labor in this life on earth. As much as I want to the work I do here to be perfect, complete, thorough and life-changing, it's not up to me. My job is to plant seeds and leave it up to the Grace of God. This is a quote from Oscar Romero, former Archbishop of San Salvador (in El Savador) before he was assassinated  The vicar told Romero's story and used this quote in his sermon and it was really helpful for me in remembering this concept.   

"It helps, now and then, to step back and take a long view. The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts, it is even beyond our vision. We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of the magnificent enterprise that is God's work. Nothing we do is complete, which is a way of saying that the kingdom always lies beyond us.
No statement says all that could be said.
No prayer fully expresses our faith.
No confession brings perfection.
No pastoral visit brings wholeness.
No program accomplishes the church's mission.
No set of goals and objectives includes everything. This is what we are about.
We plant the seeds that one day will grow. We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise. We lay foundations that will need further development. We provide yeast that produces far beyond our capabilities. We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something, and to do it very well. It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord's grace to enter and do the rest. We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker. We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs.
We are prophets of a future not our own."
-Oscar Romero, Archbishop of San Salvador 

     And shout out to Taylor Swift. Thanks for your new album, Red, and especially the song "22." I've enjoyed it. Gracias. 
   

The Chaos Has a Pattern Now.

     I love patterns. I can understand patterns. I'm not very good at processing my thoughts or feelings; honestly I don't understand them most of the time. So when I came across this "pattern" or "cycle" in this book I'm reading Red Moon Rising by Pete Greig, it all made sense. God is always present in our lives (or so the "Footprints in the Sand" poem told me), but here's a process that helped me understand how our dealings with God sometimes look, and the spiritual journey is not at all about "getting there." I thought I'd share the process; I had to type up the whole thing, so I clearly believe it's worth the reading!

1. Numb, dumb, heart
     The passage of time brings to every disciple the pounding of pleasure, pain, and sin. These conditions can imperceptibly harden our hearts, slow the arteries, and make once lithe muscles grow inflexible. We are generally unaware of this aging process, but God sees and cannot look away. He loves us too much and has called us to too much to allow us to settle for less than full spiritual health. At such times, the writer of Hebrews says that God "disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness" (Hebrews 12:10).
     In order to call our independent minds and self-satisfied souls back to a place of spiritual intimacy and dependency, God must make out numb hearts begin to feel again. Through Scripture  circumstance-perhaps even through this book-He may begin to trouble and disturb your soul. Such feelings are not often associated with the Holy Spirit. They may be like the tingling ache in your mouth after the anesthetic wears off after dental surgery or the howling pain of greater loss. But there can be no movement in our lives until we are confronted with the reality of our current state.
     This is the first stage, and for me it took the form of sleepless nights troubled by something I couldn't define. This is a lonely time because you are feeling something you can't explain-even to God.

2. Wrestling 
     Next comes the wrestling, trying to make sense of this inner turmoil, looking for words to describe what you are feeling. You may study Scripture, splurge in your journal, read books, write songs, go for walks, and try to pray, wondering why you're weeping or waking or wondering about taking some crazy, counter-intuitive step. Of course, God is watching all this new activity with delight, biding His time.

3. Waiting
     When eventually God gives you words for the things that are troubling your heart (and I'll say it again: this may take some time), things become easier. The internal storm calms, and you can talk at last with clarity to God and to others. The chaos has a pattern now. There may be no answers yet, but at least you have questions and you will throw these at the Almighty again and again. You no longer wrestle with yourself, but like Jacob, with God. This is the time of waiting and watching and can last years or mere minutes.

4. Blessing
     Finally God steps in. The one who sowed those atomic seeds in your hard heart in the first place, the one who watched you cracking up and breaking down, the one who gently gave you the questions and waited and watched while you learned to pray, that same God now steps in to bless. A heart that was hard is now bruised and bleeding soft. An independent adult has become needy, humble, and poor in spirit. A self-sufficient child has succumbed to a hug. You have learned to need and to heed, to wait and to watch once again.

     In the past year, I've seen every stage of this cycle. And I can pinpoint the times things began to change and shift to the next stage. Obviously, the first 2 stages are rough. I'm naturally awful at processing things, but when I can't even explain my feelings to God, I know it's bad. It was frustrating; while I never doubted God's existence, I doubted his presence in my own life and doubted that he could really speak to me like I saw Him speak to many of my friends. It was a lonely time. I had to decide what He was calling me to after I graduated, but I wasn't hearing his voice at all. So I took a crazy, uncertain, leap of faith and moved to England, and He's beginning to verify my decision now. I love what the end of stage 2 says, "Of course, God is watching all this new activity with delight, biding His time." God's there, in the midst of it all, please remember that. And it's easy to say now in hindsight, being at stage 3,  but I can't tell you how encouraging it was to read that. I literally started tearing up (never happens); God was there watching me the whole time in delight? WOW! It was never about me having to work to get better in my relationship with God! So now it's stage 3 for me, and the chaos finally has a pattern now. I was really beginning to miss the patterns. Thank you, God!
     So I'll try now to patiently wait for stage 4, knowing that after the blessings God will break me again and I'll loop back to stage 1. But next time I can be confident that God truly is watching it all in delight. I hope this process in writing helps you as it did me. Thanks for reading!

Broken.

     That's certainly the theme of these last couple of weeks. We recently got the washing machine fixed so I can have clean clothes again. But then the internet went down last week and we had to order a new modem that we just got in Monday. And a couple of days ago the freezer and then fridge went out so our food is either rubbish or given to someone else (It's a big ordeal to get it fixed or buy a new one). Thank you Jesus, the heating still works! So during an extremely lonely and exhausting week, I had no internet, (Skype, phone, Netflix...etc) no easily accessible friends close by, no car to go someone to feel "independent," and no inspirational church/message to help me refocus and worship. If God ever blatantly said, "Rachel, I'm removing EVERY distraction so that you will turn to me alone," he certainly did this week. I'm feeling pretty broken. I feel like it's a constant battle; every day is different. One day I love it and I feel insanely blessed to be here, using my gifts and passions to tell others about Jesus. And the next day I'm so broken, asking God why the heck I'm even here, I've left everything comfortable and familiar - for what? A group of ungrateful kids who tell me they'll never believe in God? 
     Well, last week was one of those wonderful times. Last Sunday we started an Alpha Course, studying the basics of Christianity with the youth leaders. We'll be teaching these truths to the older students starting in January, so we're studying them now with the leaders so we'll all be prepared and on the same page when we begin. It's be great getting fed and poured into spiritually since a church service never goes very deep into the Scriptures. Although it's a slow beginning and even new knowledge to some of the leaders, I know it's beneficial for all of us!      

Lightning Bolts group with leaders

     In Christian Union, (school work) we talked about the sacrifice aspect of the gospel. We played a couple of videos which explained that our sins merit death, but that Jesus' love and choice to sacrifice His life has given us the opportunity to accept God's grace. I asked my group of girls what they thought about this part of the gospel. One of the girls is Agnostic and said, "I just don't feel entitled to discuss this, and I don't think I could ever be convinced that it's completely true. I don't think I'm entitled to know absolute truth; who am I to say that I am?" Wow. I don't think I've ever truly realized how cocky Christianity appears to the outside world. The Bible says "it's foolishness to those who are perishing (1 Corinthians 1:18)." And for I second I pondered her statement thinking, "what a humble thing to say..." But then I remembered, we are entitled to know absolute truth; everyone is! Christ's death makes us worthy! One of my favorite quotes is by John Piper, and I've used it countless times since I've been here. He says that"the wisdom of God devised a way for the love of God to deliver sinners from the wrath of God while not compromising the righteousness of God." So often kids will ask how the loving and forgiving God that I worship could send a person, who He created, to Hell. It's a balance of justice and love. You can't have one without the other. God can't lower his standard of perfection or He wouldn't be a fair and righteous judge, so He sent part of Himself down to earth to die in our place. LOVE. This Wednesday we will finish the Gospel series we've been studying at the school, so please pray that the kids will continue to ask questions! 
     Last Tuesday I made my first real grown-up dinner for the church vicar and his wife. I made Italian Meatball Casserole courtesy of the UMHB meth house recipe (Methodist Church lunch); it was delish. I had a wonderful time talking to the vicar about his process of coming to Christ and then feeling called to "the ministry" as we call it in the good 'ole US of A. I love hearing people's testimonies here because they're so different than the typical "grew up in a christian home" beginning that we usually hear in Texas. More and more I'm realizing that "coming to Jesus" is such a slow and steady process here. But when they come, they are so sincere and obedient, and they've truly counted the cost. 
     Thursday we had some of the junior leaders and college (high school-aged) kids over for dinner. I made chicken and beef enchiladas, homemade spanish rice, refried beans (from a can) and guacamole! It was a feast for me, but a new experience for many of the students. We asked their opinions about all the youth groups and got ideas on how to improve. We also discussed creating a discipleship/Bible study for them and what they might like to study. They have such brilliant ideas so I'm excited to get to hang out with them this week in smaller groups. More on this in the coming weeks! 

Matilda, Lucy & I in Lightning Bolts

     Christianity is just not part of the culture here. I knew that when I came. But I've realized how much of the Gospel has been spoon-fed to me and how much I just accepted without questions. And I knew this fact too. Because Christianity was part of my culture, there really wasn't any cost. I never felt like I wanted another option or that I was missing out on anything else out there. I completely and totally believe the Bible is 100% true, and I can share the Gospel backwards in my sleep in words that a 11 year old kid who's never stepped foot into a church could easily understand. But this means nothing to these students! No amount of Bible verses or personal testimonies seem to change this. I've been watching videos from the 2012 Passion Conference and Louie Giglio says that boldness to share your faith isn't about volume or repetition, it entirely rests on your confidence in the Gospel. So while my confidence naturally tends to rest in my knowledge of Scripture and my ability to clearly share the Gospel, my confidence isn't always in the Gospel itself. This needs to change.
     I love my Lightning Bolts. The Middle Schoolers. They're crazy, and disrespectful most of the time (iPhones are now my worst enemy), but they ask great questions. 3 weeks ago we showed them a video about kids their age from around the world who had questions for God - questions about poverty, alcoholic or absent parents, and if God loves us, why do terrible things happen? We then gave them an opportunity to anonymously write down their own questions for God. Most of the kids, we realized, wanted to know how God created the world, why He created them, and how He could let bad things happen to good people. So last night we began to look at those questions, starting with the basic: Do you believe God exists, why or why not? I got a wide range of answers and reasons from my girls group, but one thing is clear: they all have big questions. Most of their ideas about God stem from what they've seen the elderly do at church, participate in a boring, irrelevant, untrue, and legalistic religion. It's hard to change their impressions. So I try to convince them of the power of the Gospel and show them how it's radically changed me, enough to uproot my life in America to come to a small, boring town in England (NOT LONDON) because I believe God loves them and has a plan for their life. But logic alone will not work; it will take time, and probably not before I leave them, before they see this at truth. So I pray for perseverance to continue living and sharing truth, and loving these kids as I grow in confidence of the God who I serve and the reason I'm here.
     It's been a discouraging and emotional ride. I'm lonely and I miss UMHB with the constant spiritual encouragement and accountability. As independent as I want to pretend that I am, and as independent as I actually am, I've discovered that the people around me have had a huge influence on my life. My family, friends, sisters at UMHB...I'm so thankful for them. But God has brought me here for this season and don't want to be spending one second of it wishing I was somewhere else or wondering how my life would be different if I was doing something else. I am incredibly blessed by my heavenly father, and as much as I try, I can't even begin to imagine the blessings and adventures He has for me down the road. So be content, Rachel. And for all those reading this, wherever you are now, be fully there. God says His will for you is to fearlessly proclaim the mystery of the gospel whenever you open your mouth. The rest is just details. 

"Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly as I should." 

-Ephesians 6:19-20

Ekklesia and the Machine.

     Let's talk about the church for a second. I know that no local church is perfect. But if we are those called to be the hands and feet of Jesus, should we not be where His heart is? With the broken? Church is not a place for perfect people. So often we wait for people to come to us, unaware and uncaring that there are people all around us DYING. Some literally and some spiritually, but either way....many of my neighbors and friends are going to Hell. And we spend more time worrying about the style of the worship service, or if wearing a hat should be permitted in the church, or if we should sing all 7 verses of a hymn or just pick 4 of them at random. After all, we have to be out of here in an hour. And I'm getting hungry. 
     It's been easy for me to look at the church that I'm working with and point out all its flaws. This morning in church, during the service, we had an open discussion about homosexual relationships. The woman speaking asked us to offer up our own opinions, admitting that the church didn't hold a solid view on it. You know I cannot NOT give my opinion, especially when it's asked for ;) So as the 22 year-old American, I reminded a room of elderly, church-going, life-long Christians to look at the Bible for truth - God's wrath and love for all sinners. It saddens me that the Church of England doesn't hold overall views on most controversial issues like this; many leaders in the church don't actually see the Bible as ultimate authority, saying that each author had their own agendas when writing the Scriptures and that many of Jesus' miracles (including the virgin birth) may be less than legitimate. So the church pews are filled with people who have very little idea of who Jesus Christ actually was and why it's crucial to believe in the Bible, especially when working in ministry with students. And with less than a handful of people under 18 at my church here, the nation-wide church in England could easily become obsolete in the coming years. However, I firmly believe that this young generation could be the key for reviving the Bride of Christ in England, and while working with the church itself can be discouraging at times, it's amazing to watch the positive growth among students. After all, Jesus is in the business of using the foolish things in this world to shame the wise! 
     I grew up in a non-denominational Bible church in the Bible Belt of the freaking world. But it wasn't until college when I began to look around and notice that the global church wasn't as cool and popular as I thought we were. The world sees us as judgmental hypocrites. We'd much rather rally behind a fast food chain because we think they hate gay people than realize how our own "respectable sins" of gossip or anxiety are JUST AS EVIL IN GOD'S EYES. As a nation and a species, we've twisted God into our own image so we can justify our habits of: living missionally - only if we're on a missions trip, tithing to the church so we can reap the benefits of a new cafe in the church lobby, or buying a homeless dude lunch so we can walk away feeling AWESOME about ourselves. 
     I'm reading a book called 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess by Jen Hatmaker. Read this book: it'll turn your world upside down. This Austin pastor's wife describes her family's adjusted lifestyle when she examines 7 areas of extreme excess in our American culture, and how a Christian striving to live a truly radical life can fight against this machine. In a chapter entitled "Spending" she wonders if the simple, humble Jesus who sought the company of sinners could ever feel comfortable in our churches. Looking at Luke 11:37-42 she says that the brave believer will admit that Jesus is talking about us. Jesus never describes being wealthy in a positive light. And whether you believe it or not, if you can read this, YOU ARE WEALTHY. So often I hear, "it's not how much money we have, it's how we use it." But isn't it true that if we use it how Jesus would, we wouldn't have any left? What if we are actually called to live a crazy radical life and that we should fear prosperity over simplicity and poverty? Jesus says it's almost impossible for a rich man to enter heaven. And we all think we're the exception, the <1% of those who make it possible. Are we? How much money, time, energy do we spend advancing eternity and how much is spent on our short lives? "If tithing the minimum and consuming the rest is okay, then we can dismiss Jesus' ideas and act obsessed about other stuff he said." -Jen Hatmaker in 7. 
     And then we say, "Oh but Jesus' culture was completely different than the 'land of the free, home of the brave;' we can't compare to the first century church in Acts. We've evolved. But "what if Jesus knew our Christian culture would design a lovely life template - complete with all the privileges and exemptions we want...but He still expected radical simplicity, generosity, obedience from those with eyes to see, ears to hear?" Can you imagine???
     I know, we've heard all this before. And I'm not sure what to add that will make even myself see reality from God's eyes. But I do know that I can't stop trying and reminding myself of Jesus' position on this. I can't afford to miss this. With countless people entering eternity every day because I fail to be the church designed by my creator, this should be a bigger deal. I spend too much time on myself. I want out of this machine; it doesn't feel like freedom. Thank you, Switchfoot. 

Here are just a couple things I've remembered in the past few weeks:

1. The Bible is CRAZY important. So often we discuss our own opinions and ideas, forgetting to go the God's very words for truth. Because the Bible is 100% truth, God-breathed. So read it. Study it. Memorize it. Breathe it. Speak it like it's a language. Jesus did. 

2. Which leads me to say that reading the Bible allows us to know Jesus and act more like him. We are made to be "little Christs," as the word "Christian" implies, not to mold Jesus into our own culture so we can feel good about our actions. 

     Sorry for the crazy-long rant, but there's just been a lot on my mind lately. I haven't even begun to describe the cool things that have happened with the students in the past week. But I think this is enough for now. Goodnight friends. 

Doritos are not from Mexico.

     They're totally American. But this is usually the extent of an English person's perception of Mexico: Doritos. I have been a part of several conversations about Doritos crisps since I arrived and it's all the same, "Oh right, the Mexican crisps!" So I can't even begin to talk to them about fajitas, queso, and dare I say . . . GUACAMOLE?! I just had to get this out there. It's ridiculous, my life. I miss flavor - wait, I'm sorry, I miss flavour. It's all about "u."

Big Kid Day in Gisborough

      Last Saturday I went to Gisborough (10 minutes by bus) to hang out with Lindsey and Andrew. Out of the 10 gap year youth workers, the 3 of us are the only ones who have completed university, the rest have just graduated from high school. So we had a fun big kid day hiking and enjoying breathtaking views!

     Recently, St. Mary's other youth worker, Ste, and I have been looking at different studies we could teach the students (middle and high school) during Life Groups. After talking to some of the girls last week, it became clear that many of them have questions about God: who He is, why He created us and the world, and why Jesus came to earth. So we decided to go through the book of John and study the basics of what we believe and who Jesus was. Friday we started the study and had a wonderful discussion that answered so many basic questions. It was very encouraging to see the kids so interested in learning more about Bible and Christianity. I'm praying that this attitude will continue throughout the study!

Dead Dogs and Homosexuality

Cali, in August

     Winner of most inappropriate blog post title EVER. But I have good and honest reasons for both things mentioned.

     First, last Tuesday I found out my dog in Texas died. My family skyped me to let me know that 5 year-old Cali suddenly passed away last Monday of unknown causes. I was very shocked and heartbroken as I could not be there. :(

     And, the homosexuality topic. Yes. So on Wednesdays, we go into Nunthorpe school and have Christian Union, a brief discussion with high school aged students during their lunch period. As last week was our first meeting, I introduced myself and allowed the students to ask me any questions about myself or America. After answering questions like "what's your favorite food" and "what does your tattoo say," I got an intimidating "what do you think about gay marriage" question. We are not in conservative Bible Belt Texas anymore. This is a big topic. Grateful that I had discussed this very issue with a Christian only the night before, I had an idea of how to answer. I said that as a Christian, I believe in God who says in his Bible that homosexuality is wrong. (1 Corinthians 6:9-10). However, instead of judging others for not believing in what I believe, God calls me first to love them (Matthew 7:1). Instead of focusing on their life decisions, I need to care about their hearts rather than forcing them to follow my lifestyle. This discussion was a great wake up call for me, a reminder of the atmosphere I'm in, here in Middlesbrough.  Kids are so often judged and pushed away from the church because they are labeled as 'delinquents' or 'sinners,' so the church is dying. But if you look throughout scripture, God specifically reaches out to these people. Those the rest of the world overlooks. 1 Corinthians 1:26-31. I'm excited to love these people with God's gracious love!

Baking cookies with EQ (High School)

   Friday we had Life Group, a small group style Bible study with middle and high school aged students. We showed Rob Bell's Nooma video, "Sunday" and talked about how Christianity is more than following rules and rituals; God wants our hearts. The kids asked very thought-provoking questions and the discussion this led to was great. Most of these students are not Christians, but they have seen what it looks like to be a follower of Christ and want to learn more. It's a very difficult situation because, while we want these kids to get plugged into a church, most churches in this area are not reaching out and engaging this generation. The immediate future of the church in England is small groups, cafe churches and other non-traditional church gatherings. But that's exactly the picture the book of Acts paints when describing the first century church. It is the people, not the building.

Middlesbrough vs. Ipswich

     Saturday I went to my first Boro football match. We won 2-0.

     In other good news, my English accent is approved by actual English people. Thanks to Dr. Howard and Voice & Diction class.

     Monday morning the Youth for Christ team hiked up another mountain, Lordstones, to pray over the city. Amazing view!

Lordstones

      Monday afternoon we started again with all 3 youth groups (ages 4-8, 8-11, and 11-14). I'm learning names and getting a better idea of how I can help and build relationships with these kids. I really enjoy our Lightning Bolts group, the 11-14 year-olds. They are at the perfect age where they really start asking questions and want to know more about the Christian faith. This week I shared my testimony with the group. Later, as I was walking around chatting with different cliques, one girl wanted to know more about my story. She asked questions like "so if your parents weren't Christians and you didn't grow up going to church, do you still think you would be a Christian" and "what's the difference between believing in religion and having a relationship with God?" So I'm clearly very excited to invest in this age especially; they seem to have a lot of questions about inconsistencies between word and deed within the church.

Thunderbolts leaders at the Disco

     And I got to use my cow suit (such a wonderful investment) for the fairytale dress up disco. I was, of course, the cow who jumped over the moon. The dance was a lot of fun; we played Cupid Shuffle, Evolution of Dance, YMCA, Cha Cha Slide, and much more!

   

My accent is so boring.

Tees Valley YFC Gap Yearers on Roseberry Topping

     Let me just start off with a confession: this is my second attempt at blogging. Blogs are so popular and common among people who travel or go on extreme adventures and want to forever remember their experiences. But that's just not me. So here I try again to creatively describe and immortalize my adventures in England, and maybe this time I'll actually write more than one post. Wish me luck.

     I actually cried when I left Texas. Never thought that would happen. EVER. I'll blame this extremely rare event on either Taylor Swift's song "Never Grow Up" or the fact that I had a fever and sore throat and knew the next 20 hours of travel and layovers would be horrendous, especially when feeling poorly. Needless to say, it was a rather rough trip, but I finally made it to my new home: Nunthorpe, Middlesbrough, United Kingdom. Thank You Jesus!

     I spent the first week in bed and, after watching the entire series of Arrested Development and 6+ films, I decided to take a trip to the doctor. A day after the first "doctor" told me just to "wait it out" (sometimes there isn't much investment made by a doctor because patients don't have to pay for their visit) I got a second opinion who told me it was tonsillitis and gave me a prescription straight away. Again, thank you Jesus, I am doing soooo much better now!

     My second week consisted of training with the rest of the Tees Valley Youth for Christ team and Gap Year workers. It's been just wonderful meeting and getting to know the people I will be serving and growing with these next 9 months. I really can't wait to see what God's plans are for the whole of Teeside! 

     One of the biggest things God taught me during training was the idea that just because I have sacrificed so much to be here in Nunthorpe, have I really, truly given up everything? Risking it all may lead to discomfort, but discomfort pushes us to the Comforter, God. I pray that God will break me and mold me into full reliance on Him this next year. I've also been thinking a lot about Jeremiah 29 lately. If you haven't read it, DO IT. I think Jeremiah 29:11 is so often taken out of context because, although God does "have plans to prosper us and give us a hope and a future," those things come as a result of our obedience in finding contentment during a time of exile. If we're constantly waiting for things to get back to "normal" or putting our lives on hold we'll miss out on what God wants to do and teach us through TODAY. Embrace today wholeheartedly; don't hold out for what you think might be down the road.