|Friends in Austin|
|Family at cousin's wedding in California|
|David and his parents|
|Volcano in Guatemala|
Between Guatemala to Colombia I had a layover in Costa Rica, where I got to explore and process things with Jesus. I stopped at this church in Alajuela, outside of San Jose and just sat and listened to my creator.
I heard a song (at the end of this post) and realized that it was my life. I have meticulously set up stones to lead to the desires of my heart. I have treated my author as if he needed my help directing my life to the ending. I’ve created idols of the good desires God has given me. I’m always either reminiscing about memories in the past or dreaming about desires to come. I’ve built up my life preparing for a future I’m waiting to start. Because of this, I can’t truly enjoy this season. I'm not content. I don’t see God for the powerful director he is and therefore I expect very little of him. I sold my previous life and left Texas, learned Spanish (mostly), and am now so focused on finding the solution to my brokenness - fulfilled desires of serving and loving street kids, and finding the perfect man to complement me in that ministry. Because of plan, I find myself lost and confused when the stones don’t add up. I don’t see his “no” as protection. I see them as failed attempts.
|Besties in Austin|
So here’s to the end! The end of worshipping my plans and asking God to “bless” them. The end of holding on to hopes for too long, expecting God to do things He’s never promised me. I trust you, Abba, that your ways are best and I’m tired of getting in the way with my own stones. I’m letting go to receive all that you HAVE promised: LOVE that is whole, PEACE I can’t understand, JOY in all moments, and POWER that fulfills your promises.
I’m ready to be present in this season and think about what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and worthy of praise. Please pray with me that I can learn, what Paul calls, the SECRET of being content in all circumstances. (Philippians 4)