97%

     That's the statistic. 97% of people in Great Britain don't attend a church and don't have a relationship with God. This is the country from which we get our cultural and religious heritage. This number breaks me. And I wonder, is the United States on a very slippery slope to the same place? Maybe the reasons for emptying churches will be different. Sure, we're not suffering due to lack of relevance in our quickly moving culture. But so often we build our churches around entertainment, what we can offer our congregation. Like the phrase goes, "what you win them with, you win them to." America, please be careful to pour truth into the lives of our youth. I know, it's harder and scarier to be honest and real with students; they usually pretend they hate it at first. But I'm learning not to be discouraged by that; you'd be surprised that after much digging, kids actually want to go deeper and ask the tough questions. I'm reading an amazing book right now called Red Moon Rising, by Pete Greig, about the global church (mainly Britain) and how prayer has significant impact on the younger generation. Pete asks, "will Jesus Christ be famous and favored in the coming age, or will He be a peripheral choice on the menu of social preference? You can call the culture 'progressive,' 'emerging,' or postmodern." The challenge is the same: To reinvent the Church without changing the message, to reach this generation for the sake of the age to come." England preferred to keep their message and lose the relevancy, and therefore eventually lost the message itself. Please America, be aware of placing too much priority on relevancy and consequently losing the message of Christ.

St. Mary's Church Entrance

     This Friday at EQ (high school) we played the Freedom Films from Passion 2012, which deals with human trafficking, an issue that's been on my heart and mind a lot recently. It was incredibly moving to watch the kids as they watched the video; most had never heard the unbelievable statistics - there are 27 million slaves around the world today, more than entire African slave trade. They were pretty stunned to hear it and watch the horrific stories from real victims. I can see their hearts softening, maybe not for the Gospel quite yet, but for the world...and that is what breaks God's heart. It's interesting to me: most of the time in America we push the Gospel first and then add things like social justice as an action after they "pray the prayer." And I would hate to give these students a drive for "world peace" without being firmly rooted in Christ's heart for the poor and oppressed. But if we can get these kids to burn with passion for what God cares about, maybe they'll begin to see God in a whole new, non-religious, justice-seeking light. And maybe they'll want a relationship with that God, not tainted by their previous misconceptions about Him. In my opinion this is the type of people we need to re-ignite a fire in England - a people broken for God's heart.

     Friday the 25th begins half-term, the kids get a week off from school and consequently I get a week off from youth groups. So for Halloween I'll be going to Amsterdam for the day. So excited about seeing a lot of historic places and possibly visiting a human trafficking organization, Not For Sale, in the Red Light District. Friday was also the first day of SNOW! It wasn't much, but enough to be exciting! Can't wait for more, it'll be a cold winter.

     Sunday was the vicar's last day; he is retiring and moving his family to the next village over. He gave his last sermon, trying to sum up his last 2 years as vicar of St Mary's. I appreciated his honesty, as he told us that he still doesn't understand why God brought him and his family to Nunthorpe. The last 2 years have been tough for him; he's tried to reignite the church's passion for Christ and their community to a very set-in-their-ways congregation. I completely relate to this; often God calls us somewhere to do something, for a reason we will never understand. But that's ok. It's tough, but God wants to pull us out of comfort, and we have the opportunity to follow him even if we will never see the fruit of our labor in this life on earth. As much as I want to the work I do here to be perfect, complete, thorough and life-changing, it's not up to me. My job is to plant seeds and leave it up to the Grace of God. This is a quote from Oscar Romero, former Archbishop of San Salvador (in El Savador) before he was assassinated  The vicar told Romero's story and used this quote in his sermon and it was really helpful for me in remembering this concept.   

"It helps, now and then, to step back and take a long view. The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts, it is even beyond our vision. We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of the magnificent enterprise that is God's work. Nothing we do is complete, which is a way of saying that the kingdom always lies beyond us.
No statement says all that could be said.
No prayer fully expresses our faith.
No confession brings perfection.
No pastoral visit brings wholeness.
No program accomplishes the church's mission.
No set of goals and objectives includes everything. This is what we are about.
We plant the seeds that one day will grow. We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise. We lay foundations that will need further development. We provide yeast that produces far beyond our capabilities. We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something, and to do it very well. It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord's grace to enter and do the rest. We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker. We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs.
We are prophets of a future not our own."
-Oscar Romero, Archbishop of San Salvador 

     And shout out to Taylor Swift. Thanks for your new album, Red, and especially the song "22." I've enjoyed it. Gracias. 
   

The Chaos Has a Pattern Now.

     I love patterns. I can understand patterns. I'm not very good at processing my thoughts or feelings; honestly I don't understand them most of the time. So when I came across this "pattern" or "cycle" in this book I'm reading Red Moon Rising by Pete Greig, it all made sense. God is always present in our lives (or so the "Footprints in the Sand" poem told me), but here's a process that helped me understand how our dealings with God sometimes look, and the spiritual journey is not at all about "getting there." I thought I'd share the process; I had to type up the whole thing, so I clearly believe it's worth the reading!

1. Numb, dumb, heart
     The passage of time brings to every disciple the pounding of pleasure, pain, and sin. These conditions can imperceptibly harden our hearts, slow the arteries, and make once lithe muscles grow inflexible. We are generally unaware of this aging process, but God sees and cannot look away. He loves us too much and has called us to too much to allow us to settle for less than full spiritual health. At such times, the writer of Hebrews says that God "disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness" (Hebrews 12:10).
     In order to call our independent minds and self-satisfied souls back to a place of spiritual intimacy and dependency, God must make out numb hearts begin to feel again. Through Scripture  circumstance-perhaps even through this book-He may begin to trouble and disturb your soul. Such feelings are not often associated with the Holy Spirit. They may be like the tingling ache in your mouth after the anesthetic wears off after dental surgery or the howling pain of greater loss. But there can be no movement in our lives until we are confronted with the reality of our current state.
     This is the first stage, and for me it took the form of sleepless nights troubled by something I couldn't define. This is a lonely time because you are feeling something you can't explain-even to God.

2. Wrestling 
     Next comes the wrestling, trying to make sense of this inner turmoil, looking for words to describe what you are feeling. You may study Scripture, splurge in your journal, read books, write songs, go for walks, and try to pray, wondering why you're weeping or waking or wondering about taking some crazy, counter-intuitive step. Of course, God is watching all this new activity with delight, biding His time.

3. Waiting
     When eventually God gives you words for the things that are troubling your heart (and I'll say it again: this may take some time), things become easier. The internal storm calms, and you can talk at last with clarity to God and to others. The chaos has a pattern now. There may be no answers yet, but at least you have questions and you will throw these at the Almighty again and again. You no longer wrestle with yourself, but like Jacob, with God. This is the time of waiting and watching and can last years or mere minutes.

4. Blessing
     Finally God steps in. The one who sowed those atomic seeds in your hard heart in the first place, the one who watched you cracking up and breaking down, the one who gently gave you the questions and waited and watched while you learned to pray, that same God now steps in to bless. A heart that was hard is now bruised and bleeding soft. An independent adult has become needy, humble, and poor in spirit. A self-sufficient child has succumbed to a hug. You have learned to need and to heed, to wait and to watch once again.

     In the past year, I've seen every stage of this cycle. And I can pinpoint the times things began to change and shift to the next stage. Obviously, the first 2 stages are rough. I'm naturally awful at processing things, but when I can't even explain my feelings to God, I know it's bad. It was frustrating; while I never doubted God's existence, I doubted his presence in my own life and doubted that he could really speak to me like I saw Him speak to many of my friends. It was a lonely time. I had to decide what He was calling me to after I graduated, but I wasn't hearing his voice at all. So I took a crazy, uncertain, leap of faith and moved to England, and He's beginning to verify my decision now. I love what the end of stage 2 says, "Of course, God is watching all this new activity with delight, biding His time." God's there, in the midst of it all, please remember that. And it's easy to say now in hindsight, being at stage 3,  but I can't tell you how encouraging it was to read that. I literally started tearing up (never happens); God was there watching me the whole time in delight? WOW! It was never about me having to work to get better in my relationship with God! So now it's stage 3 for me, and the chaos finally has a pattern now. I was really beginning to miss the patterns. Thank you, God!
     So I'll try now to patiently wait for stage 4, knowing that after the blessings God will break me again and I'll loop back to stage 1. But next time I can be confident that God truly is watching it all in delight. I hope this process in writing helps you as it did me. Thanks for reading!

Broken.

     That's certainly the theme of these last couple of weeks. We recently got the washing machine fixed so I can have clean clothes again. But then the internet went down last week and we had to order a new modem that we just got in Monday. And a couple of days ago the freezer and then fridge went out so our food is either rubbish or given to someone else (It's a big ordeal to get it fixed or buy a new one). Thank you Jesus, the heating still works! So during an extremely lonely and exhausting week, I had no internet, (Skype, phone, Netflix...etc) no easily accessible friends close by, no car to go someone to feel "independent," and no inspirational church/message to help me refocus and worship. If God ever blatantly said, "Rachel, I'm removing EVERY distraction so that you will turn to me alone," he certainly did this week. I'm feeling pretty broken. I feel like it's a constant battle; every day is different. One day I love it and I feel insanely blessed to be here, using my gifts and passions to tell others about Jesus. And the next day I'm so broken, asking God why the heck I'm even here, I've left everything comfortable and familiar - for what? A group of ungrateful kids who tell me they'll never believe in God? 
     Well, last week was one of those wonderful times. Last Sunday we started an Alpha Course, studying the basics of Christianity with the youth leaders. We'll be teaching these truths to the older students starting in January, so we're studying them now with the leaders so we'll all be prepared and on the same page when we begin. It's be great getting fed and poured into spiritually since a church service never goes very deep into the Scriptures. Although it's a slow beginning and even new knowledge to some of the leaders, I know it's beneficial for all of us!      

Lightning Bolts group with leaders

     In Christian Union, (school work) we talked about the sacrifice aspect of the gospel. We played a couple of videos which explained that our sins merit death, but that Jesus' love and choice to sacrifice His life has given us the opportunity to accept God's grace. I asked my group of girls what they thought about this part of the gospel. One of the girls is Agnostic and said, "I just don't feel entitled to discuss this, and I don't think I could ever be convinced that it's completely true. I don't think I'm entitled to know absolute truth; who am I to say that I am?" Wow. I don't think I've ever truly realized how cocky Christianity appears to the outside world. The Bible says "it's foolishness to those who are perishing (1 Corinthians 1:18)." And for I second I pondered her statement thinking, "what a humble thing to say..." But then I remembered, we are entitled to know absolute truth; everyone is! Christ's death makes us worthy! One of my favorite quotes is by John Piper, and I've used it countless times since I've been here. He says that"the wisdom of God devised a way for the love of God to deliver sinners from the wrath of God while not compromising the righteousness of God." So often kids will ask how the loving and forgiving God that I worship could send a person, who He created, to Hell. It's a balance of justice and love. You can't have one without the other. God can't lower his standard of perfection or He wouldn't be a fair and righteous judge, so He sent part of Himself down to earth to die in our place. LOVE. This Wednesday we will finish the Gospel series we've been studying at the school, so please pray that the kids will continue to ask questions! 
     Last Tuesday I made my first real grown-up dinner for the church vicar and his wife. I made Italian Meatball Casserole courtesy of the UMHB meth house recipe (Methodist Church lunch); it was delish. I had a wonderful time talking to the vicar about his process of coming to Christ and then feeling called to "the ministry" as we call it in the good 'ole US of A. I love hearing people's testimonies here because they're so different than the typical "grew up in a christian home" beginning that we usually hear in Texas. More and more I'm realizing that "coming to Jesus" is such a slow and steady process here. But when they come, they are so sincere and obedient, and they've truly counted the cost. 
     Thursday we had some of the junior leaders and college (high school-aged) kids over for dinner. I made chicken and beef enchiladas, homemade spanish rice, refried beans (from a can) and guacamole! It was a feast for me, but a new experience for many of the students. We asked their opinions about all the youth groups and got ideas on how to improve. We also discussed creating a discipleship/Bible study for them and what they might like to study. They have such brilliant ideas so I'm excited to get to hang out with them this week in smaller groups. More on this in the coming weeks! 

Matilda, Lucy & I in Lightning Bolts

     Christianity is just not part of the culture here. I knew that when I came. But I've realized how much of the Gospel has been spoon-fed to me and how much I just accepted without questions. And I knew this fact too. Because Christianity was part of my culture, there really wasn't any cost. I never felt like I wanted another option or that I was missing out on anything else out there. I completely and totally believe the Bible is 100% true, and I can share the Gospel backwards in my sleep in words that a 11 year old kid who's never stepped foot into a church could easily understand. But this means nothing to these students! No amount of Bible verses or personal testimonies seem to change this. I've been watching videos from the 2012 Passion Conference and Louie Giglio says that boldness to share your faith isn't about volume or repetition, it entirely rests on your confidence in the Gospel. So while my confidence naturally tends to rest in my knowledge of Scripture and my ability to clearly share the Gospel, my confidence isn't always in the Gospel itself. This needs to change.
     I love my Lightning Bolts. The Middle Schoolers. They're crazy, and disrespectful most of the time (iPhones are now my worst enemy), but they ask great questions. 3 weeks ago we showed them a video about kids their age from around the world who had questions for God - questions about poverty, alcoholic or absent parents, and if God loves us, why do terrible things happen? We then gave them an opportunity to anonymously write down their own questions for God. Most of the kids, we realized, wanted to know how God created the world, why He created them, and how He could let bad things happen to good people. So last night we began to look at those questions, starting with the basic: Do you believe God exists, why or why not? I got a wide range of answers and reasons from my girls group, but one thing is clear: they all have big questions. Most of their ideas about God stem from what they've seen the elderly do at church, participate in a boring, irrelevant, untrue, and legalistic religion. It's hard to change their impressions. So I try to convince them of the power of the Gospel and show them how it's radically changed me, enough to uproot my life in America to come to a small, boring town in England (NOT LONDON) because I believe God loves them and has a plan for their life. But logic alone will not work; it will take time, and probably not before I leave them, before they see this at truth. So I pray for perseverance to continue living and sharing truth, and loving these kids as I grow in confidence of the God who I serve and the reason I'm here.
     It's been a discouraging and emotional ride. I'm lonely and I miss UMHB with the constant spiritual encouragement and accountability. As independent as I want to pretend that I am, and as independent as I actually am, I've discovered that the people around me have had a huge influence on my life. My family, friends, sisters at UMHB...I'm so thankful for them. But God has brought me here for this season and don't want to be spending one second of it wishing I was somewhere else or wondering how my life would be different if I was doing something else. I am incredibly blessed by my heavenly father, and as much as I try, I can't even begin to imagine the blessings and adventures He has for me down the road. So be content, Rachel. And for all those reading this, wherever you are now, be fully there. God says His will for you is to fearlessly proclaim the mystery of the gospel whenever you open your mouth. The rest is just details. 

"Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly as I should." 

-Ephesians 6:19-20

Ekklesia and the Machine.

     Let's talk about the church for a second. I know that no local church is perfect. But if we are those called to be the hands and feet of Jesus, should we not be where His heart is? With the broken? Church is not a place for perfect people. So often we wait for people to come to us, unaware and uncaring that there are people all around us DYING. Some literally and some spiritually, but either way....many of my neighbors and friends are going to Hell. And we spend more time worrying about the style of the worship service, or if wearing a hat should be permitted in the church, or if we should sing all 7 verses of a hymn or just pick 4 of them at random. After all, we have to be out of here in an hour. And I'm getting hungry. 
     It's been easy for me to look at the church that I'm working with and point out all its flaws. This morning in church, during the service, we had an open discussion about homosexual relationships. The woman speaking asked us to offer up our own opinions, admitting that the church didn't hold a solid view on it. You know I cannot NOT give my opinion, especially when it's asked for ;) So as the 22 year-old American, I reminded a room of elderly, church-going, life-long Christians to look at the Bible for truth - God's wrath and love for all sinners. It saddens me that the Church of England doesn't hold overall views on most controversial issues like this; many leaders in the church don't actually see the Bible as ultimate authority, saying that each author had their own agendas when writing the Scriptures and that many of Jesus' miracles (including the virgin birth) may be less than legitimate. So the church pews are filled with people who have very little idea of who Jesus Christ actually was and why it's crucial to believe in the Bible, especially when working in ministry with students. And with less than a handful of people under 18 at my church here, the nation-wide church in England could easily become obsolete in the coming years. However, I firmly believe that this young generation could be the key for reviving the Bride of Christ in England, and while working with the church itself can be discouraging at times, it's amazing to watch the positive growth among students. After all, Jesus is in the business of using the foolish things in this world to shame the wise! 
     I grew up in a non-denominational Bible church in the Bible Belt of the freaking world. But it wasn't until college when I began to look around and notice that the global church wasn't as cool and popular as I thought we were. The world sees us as judgmental hypocrites. We'd much rather rally behind a fast food chain because we think they hate gay people than realize how our own "respectable sins" of gossip or anxiety are JUST AS EVIL IN GOD'S EYES. As a nation and a species, we've twisted God into our own image so we can justify our habits of: living missionally - only if we're on a missions trip, tithing to the church so we can reap the benefits of a new cafe in the church lobby, or buying a homeless dude lunch so we can walk away feeling AWESOME about ourselves. 
     I'm reading a book called 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess by Jen Hatmaker. Read this book: it'll turn your world upside down. This Austin pastor's wife describes her family's adjusted lifestyle when she examines 7 areas of extreme excess in our American culture, and how a Christian striving to live a truly radical life can fight against this machine. In a chapter entitled "Spending" she wonders if the simple, humble Jesus who sought the company of sinners could ever feel comfortable in our churches. Looking at Luke 11:37-42 she says that the brave believer will admit that Jesus is talking about us. Jesus never describes being wealthy in a positive light. And whether you believe it or not, if you can read this, YOU ARE WEALTHY. So often I hear, "it's not how much money we have, it's how we use it." But isn't it true that if we use it how Jesus would, we wouldn't have any left? What if we are actually called to live a crazy radical life and that we should fear prosperity over simplicity and poverty? Jesus says it's almost impossible for a rich man to enter heaven. And we all think we're the exception, the <1% of those who make it possible. Are we? How much money, time, energy do we spend advancing eternity and how much is spent on our short lives? "If tithing the minimum and consuming the rest is okay, then we can dismiss Jesus' ideas and act obsessed about other stuff he said." -Jen Hatmaker in 7. 
     And then we say, "Oh but Jesus' culture was completely different than the 'land of the free, home of the brave;' we can't compare to the first century church in Acts. We've evolved. But "what if Jesus knew our Christian culture would design a lovely life template - complete with all the privileges and exemptions we want...but He still expected radical simplicity, generosity, obedience from those with eyes to see, ears to hear?" Can you imagine???
     I know, we've heard all this before. And I'm not sure what to add that will make even myself see reality from God's eyes. But I do know that I can't stop trying and reminding myself of Jesus' position on this. I can't afford to miss this. With countless people entering eternity every day because I fail to be the church designed by my creator, this should be a bigger deal. I spend too much time on myself. I want out of this machine; it doesn't feel like freedom. Thank you, Switchfoot. 

Here are just a couple things I've remembered in the past few weeks:

1. The Bible is CRAZY important. So often we discuss our own opinions and ideas, forgetting to go the God's very words for truth. Because the Bible is 100% truth, God-breathed. So read it. Study it. Memorize it. Breathe it. Speak it like it's a language. Jesus did. 

2. Which leads me to say that reading the Bible allows us to know Jesus and act more like him. We are made to be "little Christs," as the word "Christian" implies, not to mold Jesus into our own culture so we can feel good about our actions. 

     Sorry for the crazy-long rant, but there's just been a lot on my mind lately. I haven't even begun to describe the cool things that have happened with the students in the past week. But I think this is enough for now. Goodnight friends.